Eventually it will get easier…..

So I am sitting here contemplating life and all it’s glory and sadness. Feeling more of the sadness today. Understandably.

We had Joel’s memorial service yesterday. It was beautiful and extrememly moving. Still, I just can’t come to terms with the fact that my little Joely is gone and that is it. Never will I see his wicked grin or hear his voice again. Never will I give him mad hugs and call him my little brother. This hurts more than I can write, my words just don’t touch the edge of my pain right now.

Thankfully I have a thousand memories of fantastic times and laughter. These are what I can hold on to. I also have a video, made 3 years ago, one holidays when we were bored. Now this is priceless. I am going to dub it, and with the bits my sister and family have, put it all together for his family for prosperity.

One day I will wake up and the pain I am feeling will be a dull ache. But for now, my pain is too real and too consuming.

I will always miss you Joel, my little brother, I love you and will forever. I hope you have found peace my friend.

~ by Fen on June 7, 2001.

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