midnight ramblings

Martin’s just left to go out and I wasn’t tired enough for bed, so I thought I’d get online for no reason at all other than to pass some time. One week til I leave for the UK, how damn exciting. I think!

I have been having bad bad dreams all week, culminating in this mornings break down of emotions. I’ve been dreaming everything negative, including lots of the final hours of Mum’s life. This morning I woke up and sobbed my heart out, I had dreamt of Mum again, of those final agonising minutes. It was all abstract and strange though, as dreams are, but I could not get it out of my head.

It could be that I am a bit dirty on my Dad and his new girlfriend. Long story really, but I am feeling neglected, I am feeling the whole family, including the cat is really neglected. He spends all this damn time there. Don’t get me wrong, I want him to be happy, but lately he seems to be selfishly so, to the detriment of those around him, including some of his long term friends. He also keeps asking me about my sister, what’s gossip with her. For fucks sake, they live in the same house and they do not communicate. I am not going to be the go-between. UGH.

So I guess I am feeling tense with all things family right now and that might be impacting on my sleeping thoughts. That and my killer migraine, sheesh.

Anyway, I wish my boy was here with me tonight, my last full weekend in this country for a month or so, but alas he’s not. He’ll sleep most of the day tomorrow too 😦 Never mind, I can’t stop him having fun just coz I am going away for a month!!! Selfish aren’t I!!

~ by Fen on June 22, 2003.

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