if pain persists, please see your doctor

I’m sick of pain. It’s tiring, mentally draining and just plain uncomfortable. I’ve had a migraine for 4 days now, a side effect of being on the pill, and it’s really beginning to get me down.

The doctors at RWH put me on the pill as they said it would lessen my endometriosis symptoms, which it has done successfully for 5 months. But this month my endo pain is coming back with a vengeance. I asked my normal GP about it and she said that your body gets used to the hormones and eventually the effectiveness wears off. Great.

I am on the waiting list for exploratory surgery for my endo, the original waiting list was 4-6 months. I was placed on this list in October, so I’ve only been on it for 3 months 😦

Even without the pills effects wearing off, I know things have gotten worse because of the pain when I have sex. It’s gotten to the stage where I just don’t want to have sex ever again. I can barely describe how that makes me feel. Like a barren, disgusting piece of nothing. It makes me feel unwomanly. Who on earth would want to have anything to do with someone who can’t have sex? No one that’s who. It’s hard enough explaining to people what is going on (health wise) without then having to explain that sex has become really badly uncomfortable for me. I’m so fucking frustrated, I want something in my life to go RIGHT for a change. For it to be NORMAL. But obviously that’s too much to ask.

Not that anyone actually wants to have a relationship with me anyway, apparently I’m far too independant and intimidating. Apparently people don’t think putting an effort into anything these days is worth it.

Mad old reclusive cat lady, addicted to pain killers and bad tv, here I come.


~ by Fen on January 7, 2009.

3 Responses to “if pain persists, please see your doctor”

  1. You know something like endo is difficult for normal people to understand. I guess a lot of things are. Most people have no understanding of things until it happens to them. I am very sorry about the pain. I know that I had to go to my primary to get pain medication and she would only give me a months worth of it at a time because I was trying to get pregnant. Once she moved to a different hospital I just never went back to the doctor because it was too frustrating. This year I’m planning on insisting on surgery to figure out what is going on (my doctor did believe it was endo, but the doctor I was referred to brushed me off like I didn’t matter). I am very sorry about the pain. It just really sucks. Someone that cares about you and your well being will want to be in a relationship with you. I know what you feel like in that way and my husband is usually really great about it. I don’t understand why you are having trouble finding someone because you’re great in every way. I know I’ll always have a crush on you!

  2. Aw gorgeous girl. That’s really hard dealing with pain and especially for such a long time. That’s terrible the pill isn’t helping anymore and causing you more pain with the migraines too. I hope the hospital doesn’t keep you waiting too much longer with the explorative surgery. xoxYou know, lots of people look past the sexual element of r’ships and will want to be with you because you are funny, outgoing, happy, beautiful, quirky, loving, caring, have a brain and plenty more!! You are a beautiful girl and if someone doesn’t want to look past the sexual side of things for a while then they aren’t worth it.

  3. you two make me smile, thanks *mwah*

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