anniversaries

As the days get shorter, so too it seems do the years.
Today is the 8th anniversary of my Mother’s death.  It doesn’t feel like 8 years have passed, yet it also feels like an eternity.
Losing my Mother 8 years ago was without a doubt the most life changing thing I have gone through.  Her death changed my life in many ways, both good and bad.  It was the catalyst for many things and I wish she was around now to see what’s going on, how I’ve grown, what I’ve done.
I’ve never really believed that she’s watching over me, I’ve never felt her, when she died all I felt was a big empty space, that’s not changed at all.  We sprinkled some of her ashes on the Isle of Man, where she was born, on the beach that carries my namesake. I have the remaining ashes in an urn that I made, on my bookshelf.  I never talk to “her”, I never feel the need.  I often wonder if I’m strange for not doing so as so many others that have lost loved ones seem to.
I lost my way for a very long time after my Mother died, but time does heal and you learn to live with the loss because life does march on whether you’re ready or not.  I wouldn’t say I’m completely back to “normal”, I have issues stemming from my loss, but I am living my life to the best of my ability and having a reasonably good time doing so.

I’ll be going to bed shortly, full of memories of my Mum.  Still wishing that I could sit down and have a cuppa with her, have a long chat, do some gardening and shop together.  There are some things in the world you just can’t replace, for me, that is my Mum.

8 years (already)
1969 – Mum & Dad’s wedding, such cool cats.

~ by Fen on May 16, 2010.

6 Responses to “anniversaries”

  1. Lovely photo Fen. You are fortunate to have had such a mother and the memories of her.

  2. Funny, I was thinking of you when I was in Peel, walking Fenella Beach. She sure was a beauty, wasn't she? (Hugs)

  3. 1960s wedding attire and cakes were the best. Your mum would be proud of the generous and wise individual you are.

  4. What Andrew said above, goes from me too.That bridal dress is SO Sixties – the cuff detail tells me she had style beyond the norm. So Mod.

  5. Your mother is a part of you who are. Her words are blended in with your unconscious, simmering in the depths of your inner you. So each moment she is with you.My mother was half-Lakota, and when I was little she tapped my chest and my head, saying, "As long as I am here and there, Little One. I will never leave you."Nor has she, nor has yours, Roland

  6. Fen, I am a wedding dress junkie and that is just gorgeous. I prefer that look to big busts and no straps that make one terribly nervous at weddings these days.And that cake would have been traditional fruit with royal icing.She was really beautiful.

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