I am not a liver lover

Round eleventy million of the liver saga saw me at my next outpatients appointment.  Of course the clinic was running at least an hour behind schedule, as is the usual, and I forgot to take a book.  I was made grumpy by an idiot mother and her two electronic game playing children, who were making more noise than a whole school.  Why is it that parents can’t control their children, especially in a room full of patients waiting to see specialists, some of which may be ill or anxious or upset.  Sheesh.
So I finally get called and it’s George, the specialist I’d seen quite a bit when I was on the ward.  He asked how I’d been and agreed that me being on antibiotics ongoing was a wise move (something I’d had to do myself coz they prescribed me 5 days worth when I left hospital!).  George really sympathised with me, saying I’d had a really bad time of it this year and that of all the shit things that could go wrong I had gotten the most difficult one.  I made sure he knew I’d had to cancel both my Sydney and UK trips and that I’d run out of both sick and annual leave. 
Still, I have to have another procedure.  This one is called a Percutaneous Transhepatic Cholangiogram.  Apparently this will show up where or what or who the fk knows why my bile isn’t stopping leaking and then I don’t know what.  George didn’t seem to know what either.  Or maybe he wasn’t telling me.  Maybe with all these tests I will soon glow in the dark.
Anyway, I will get a letter and the appointment will be in the next 4 weeks, before my next outpatients appointment.  Yay me.
I’m feeling hopeless and helpless. I feel like I will never lose this ridiculous drain bag and that I will never be able to plan anything for fear that I will have to cancel due to being in hospital again. I’m sick of all the tests and the needles in my shitful veins that never co-operate. I’m over having to take days off work and feeling guilty about it and losing money because of it.  I’m a mental health worker, we get paid a piss poor wage as it is. I’m beyond worrying and I’m upset that my family worry over me, they’ve been through enough in the last 10 years, I just want them to have an easy time.
I am just in a bad mood and I plan on going to bed early because my dream world is far more interesting than my real world.  
Oh PS – I snapped this on my phone when George went out to confer with the big wigs. It’s a snap shot of when I had my ERCP. Sure looks like I swallowed a bloody big millipede!
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~ by Fen on March 5, 2012.

8 Responses to “I am not a liver lover”

  1. Oh Fen, you poor love. I can't believe how much shit you've had to go through this year.Why aren't they bloody well telling you wtf is going on? Why do Doctors/Specialists keep you in the dark? They must have some idea.Very sorry to hear. Big hugs from afar. xoxox

  2. Losing money is one thing, but don't feel guilty. You are quite entitled to be well pissed orf.

  3. You've had a really rough run lovely. I sure hope your liver and body start behaving soon and you stop leaking. Big hugs! It's be very frustrating with all that going on, and then not getting any answers and having to wait at appointments and cancel important things. I hope your health is back on track ASAP!! Lots of love to you xxx

  4. Being sick is very isolating. And lonely. It is almost worse than the pain or the suffering….just that feeling of being all alone in it. I went through a particularly hellish year about 3 years ago and I swore that if I lived through it, I would appreciate my better health. Funny thing? After I went into remission, I found that I went right back to being my old self. I had to really take myself in hand to instruct myself on appreciation of life. I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time of it.

  5. Hi Fen,Sorry to hear you're having health problems. I wish you all the very best. Loved the grumpy baby by the way.Scottx

  6. It sucks when your posts tags to the right have 'liver' as one of the largest. I hope this test tells the specialist what the hell is going on and he can then work out how the hell to fix it.

  7. what everybody else above has already said, and with extra love x x

  8. Hi, you round funny thing. Your other blog title was better. I like your photo in the next post, at the time there'd be a little peck on the forehead from Uncle Robert. Quite normal. I think spontaneity beats thought, don't you?

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