Tuesday Tidbits

I’m having one of those weeks where I look at myself in the mirror and really struggle to like my body. We all have these periods right? Well I do. It’s funny, sort of… before my first surgery I can’t say I was impressed with my body, but with the benefit of hindsight I now wish my body was like that again. I never had an issue with my stomach, now it’s scarred and numb in parts, super sensitive in others and not flat any more. My arse and thighs were okay, they’ve always been bothersome, but I never really thought about it too much. Now I look in the mirror and groan inwardly.

I know I’ve lost weight, I know I’ve been through 2 years of body trauma, but it is taking me a long time to adjust to this new body I inhabit. I guess things will probably never be the same again given what I endured, and eventually I will make peace with myself. But this week I’m struggling.

Work has been really busy. This time of year is hard for a lot of people, especially those with mental illnesses. I’ve got 2 clients on the downward spiral, one is closing in on rock bottom. But on the other hand I’ve had some really good things happen with others, so it kinda balances out. The lovely Nic asked me on twitter how do I protect my own mental health when working in my field. It comes down to a handful of really important things. Really good supervision (meeting with a more experienced peer, in my case a team leader, and talking things through fortnightly), awesome colleagues who I know I can debrief/vent/laugh with and a good sense of humour (seeing the light in the darkness).  On top of that exercise is important, getting those endorphins flowing, eating well is important as is good self care. A lot of people burn out in this industry, I don’t want to become one of those statistics.

If you live in Melbourne you would have woken to storms this morning. I adore me a storm, so when I woke up around 1am to distant thunder I threw on my dressing gown and wandered outside. The one thing about living here that I don’t like is my lack of horizon view. I adored my balcony in Brunswick, peering out over the landscape. I can’t do that here. So I stood in the middle of the driveway, watched the lightning and retreated back to bed. By the time I got up at 6am we were onto our 3rd storm, I thought it was brilliant. Of course for some reason people turn into complete pillocks when it rains and the roads were ugly. Thankfully my little route wasn’t too bad, but I met a girl later in the day who had taken 2 hours to get to work. Poor lass.  I just read now that by Thursday they’re expecting it to possibly reach 40 degrees. Now I love me Summer weather, but it’s a bit quick for that kind of heat!! I want a general easing into the heat, not to be throw into the fire!!!

not from last night, but I did take this a long time ago!

My tomato plants are getting huge!

back to the beach & my favourite spot

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~ by Fen on November 27, 2012.

6 Responses to “Tuesday Tidbits”

  1. Mate, you’ve been through SO much… I’m amazed at how positive you’ve remained, and at how you look. You’re fkn hawt!
    I have days I hate my body. Pretty much every day. But meh… I ‘aint never gonna be a model. Too late for me I’m afraid. Even if I lost weight, I’d still be saggy. Bleagh.

    Yeah, this weather is pretty awesome with the storms. But I HATE the humidity. HATE!!!!
    We’ve got 37 tomorrow, then 39. Unless they change their minds, which they do every day this time of year.
    Gonna be yucky Thursday with 39 and storms.

    • Yeah you’re right, I do forget how much I went through. If I read my blog posts it’s like someone else went through it!

      Humidity is my enemy, but I love storms. Hmmmm.

  2. ‘I never had an issue with my stomach, now it’s scarred and numb in parts, super sensitive in others and not flat any more’ Much the same for me, over two years on. But you were cut open a second time hey?

    The highest burn out is probably in child protection, but anyone who works in a care area needs to be aware of what can happen. It sounds like your employer is well aware of the problem.

    I never taken a lightning photo. I am jealous.

    And it looks like you will be a summer tomato diet.

    • Oh of course Andrew, you’d know just what this is like. I still find it weird. We should compare healing scars!

  3. Yup, I guess most of us have those days of looking in the mirror and groaning at what we see. I have a lifetime of it and no amount of appreciative praise from other women or partners has been able to change that, no amount of muscle, no amount of weight loss or weight gain, not even a tan… I simply don’t see what they see, but I find solace in the fact that no matter how it looks, that body of mine is a damn fine machine that works and keeps me going even in the most trying of circumstances. Hail to those mechanics eh!

  4. I hear you on the body thing and I beat myself up for not respecting my life system more. But other days I’m so glad to be healthy, mobile and generally intact compared with many others. My thoughts are like fighting kids on a see-saw.

    Great photos and I love the treatment on the last one.

    And thanks for responding to my question. Even in everyday situations, it’s so easy to feel and take on the moods of others, for positive or negative. It sounds like you have the right support network and are a great contributor in your own right.

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