I went to my Nan’s yesterday. Nothing unusual there, I go a lot on weekends, she’s just down the road. I went because her hairdresser was dropping in to do her hair, and mine too. She’s a great hairdresser who only charges $15 and does a fabulous job, how can I resist.  The hairdresser always runs late, we joke about it. In the interim we amuse ourselves. Nan showed me some outfits she was thinking of wearing to a wedding on Sunday and we talked about how our weeks had been. We have an easy going relationship and share a love of gardening and cats!

After we’d both been cut and blow dried I had to head home. Nan’s partner was there by this stage and he made a comment, referring to my Nan as my mother. I laughed and said, yes well she practically is.  Then as I got into the car a wave of pure sadness washed over me and I fought back tears.

You all know I lost my Mum to cancer ten years ago.  Life goes on, you have no choice. But sometimes, especially around this time of year, things sneak up on you. Yesterday was one of those moments. I don’t ponder my Mum’s death much anymore, it happened, it affected me, that’s life. But occasionally the big chasm of hurt and sadness opens up and I feel like all the love in the world wouldn’t be enough to make me feel whole at that moment.

My Nan is like my Mum in lots of ways. But no one could ever replace my Mum.  And I so miss what we had as Mother and daughter.


Nan &  I 




















Friday night I went to see Russell Brand with my receptionist.  It had been a gorgeous Melbourne day and it was a much needed hilarious end to a weird week.  I like Russell, not in the want to have sex with him way that seems to infect a lot of women, I like the way his brain works.  Oh and to be honest, I like his filth too, it makes me laugh.  So it was a brilliant night with lots of laughs.

jaundice queens!

jaundice queens!

relaxing on the grass

relaxing on the grass



~ by Fen on December 9, 2012.

9 Responses to “lids”

  1. that was a swift arrival just now on AOD. I was thinking about your cat harness while weeding this morning, as Kitty the tux, is not going to be going outside where all the many wonderful wild birds are. It’s a big high house with vistas and I have made her a perch in every window, but she is still very toe-y after 6 weeks back with me. Please tell me was it hard to get your Bengal royalty to tolerate the harness?

    I LOVED my Nan missed since 1985 – she was wonderful, and yes Christmas is a tricky time for handling emotion. Drink and chocolate have to work hard.

    I hope you are OK today. Twitter last night had me concerned. Congrats on Edmiston bargain. Roared laughing at a trendoid dunce on facebook page of Melb society pet who ran leona’s birthday cake pic. the previous pic was the frock the cake copied. Trendoid dunce ignored all previous info and said “any idea who the dress is by?” This girl-woman is thin rich pretty, in love with Mr Big and having a good time, while nobody is home upstairs. sigh.

    • It took Alex a little while, but I was persistent. I purchased it from here: They are very sturdy and made to your cats measurements. I used to put it on him inside and allow him to be a princess about it. Then I’d distract him with toys and he’d forget it was on, then remember and go drama queening again. It diminished over time and now when I bring it out he’s all quivering like a fool to have it on!!

      I’m good now thanks, still feeling a little flat but keeping busy. The Edmiston dress is lovely, I have 4 of them now, I’m in love with her designs.

  2. oh PS I just love Rusty B too, have the DVDs and books, and am glad you had the pleasure of him live. I had never heard of him till I saw his tour-de-force role in the St Trinian’s movie, that made me see Forgetting sarah Marshall where he impersonates a spider. he is taller than Conan O’Brien!

    PS 2 – that Relaxing-on-grass photo expression of yours is fab

    • He’s got an almost genius like mind has ol’ Russ, very enjoyable hearing him ad lib. And yes, he’s rather tall and gangly. A licorice stick of a man!

  3. I lost my Da when I was 9. I still miss him. I’m now 54….

  4. I guess I should be pleased that I still have my mother alive to whinge and moan about. Yours died way too young.

  5. I miss both my Gran & my Nan. And you’re right, it never really diminishes.
    Big hugs to you Fen. Christmas is one of my all time horrid times of the year. I don’t know why. I just get so down. You cannot escape it.

  6. Oh Fen, I do feel for you….. Then again, your Nanna looks so young so I’m not surprised she’s mistaken for your mother.

    LOVE the top you wore to Mr Brand’s night out!

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