Online dating

So online dating huh. It’s interesting, let’s just say that much. It took me a good while to get around to it and most of the time I’m hovering close to hitting the big delete button and removing myself from the medium completely. But you never know…

I thought I would share some of the LOL’s I have had via messages and chat.  Of course I have removed all names etc. Not that I know who these people are!

Boys seem so foreign sometimes. I mean why would you tell a complete stranger intimate details? Why would I want to see pictures of your disembodied cock?  I don’t care if you’re horny, I don’t want to hear about your masturbation habits or your porn watching schedule. If guys think that impresses a girl, or this girl, then they’re so very wrong. I dunno, maybe some girls love that sort of talk. I find it really uninteresting and a big bad turn off.

Anyway, here are some of the “best” thus far.  Enjoy…


  • i’m naked and finding it hard to get a hardon, lol. could be that i’ve just eaten
  • hello, how are you Ma’am? i am looking for a Mistress to take me over and train and control me please i can be contacted on 042***** or via email at *******

Yup really. This guy doesn’t know me from a bar of soap and he’s sending me his number and email. Bwahahahahaha


  • i do not no wot to say. is this a stupid question? even if it is do you think you could if you met a guy and wonted him could you make him yours? wot if he help you make him yours? would that then mean you not really make him yours ? wot if he asked you to do things to him you new he not like but did them because you new that not only wot he wont but would then shore make him yours? i have said wot i truly mean but there lots more but i wont go feather sorry. i would but not like this. to be honest with you i could talk for years on net but i wont say much more. weather hi hope your well and look after yourself !!!!look after yourself and do wot you wont with my questions.

These ones just don’t even bother with making an effort.

  • Hey there, I was wondering if I could tempt you with my profile at all? xo
  • Hi I would really love to chat with you, sorry for the short message, I am pretty quiet generally, but can open up in time

 This one, well it just made me roll my eyes. I know he was trying to be original but it hurt my brain

  • Hey Gorgeous, How’s your week treating you?  I helped an old lady cross the road, rescued a puppy from a storm drain, helped a kitten out of a tree, and then woke up thankful I wasn’t a nine year old Boy Scout!!!  Would you like to meet for a drink/coffee? 

This one made me snort

  • Hi there:) I loved reading your profile:)   Are you Dominant?  Look forward to hearing from you:)


  • Hey your exquisite….may I know ur good name please? Can we b friends if u don’t mind?0430******


I’m still baffled by this one too. It doesn’t matter how I read it I still don’t get it (but I do like massages, by trained massage therapists!)

  • Maybe its kind of “strange” but actually i get single and its getting necessary for me to treat good your female body and spirit….do you like massages?


So you see why it’s such a chore?  They say you have to wade through the shit to get to the diamonds, well I’m not even sure if diamonds exist anyway. I never was a fan of diamonds to start with, so not sure why I am even bothering.  I suddenly feel all sorts of jaded.

Oh dear.

How about these cold mornings we’ve been having?



~ by Fen on June 23, 2013.

8 Responses to “Online dating”

  1. Oh, sweet baby Jesus, I feel for you.
    I can’t stand sleaze talk. I don’t know why men think that us chicks like that shit.
    Mind you, I guess not all women are attracted to brains. I much prefer some intelligent banter.

    I did the whole internet dating thing. As a lark mainly, back when me and the boy were separated. I hated it.
    And there are those blokes who live on there…to this day, just to get a root.

    What is your profile pic, dare I ask?! Are you in some kind of rubber fetish suit with whip and gloves?! Ahahaha!

    • Sleaze talk, that’s what it is! HATE IT! I don’t mind dirty talk, but after I’ve gotten to know someone and we have become intimate. Gah!! My profile pic is just a head shot, fairly tame. I have some other pics but nothing fetish related.
      People just assume!! 😉

  2. I like the sound of the one who called you gorgeous. Long after passion dies, a sense of humour helps things bubbling along. My ex Sis in Law met her lover, soulmate and now business partner and husband via eharmony. They are the happiest couple in the world.

    Btw, in your very old neck of the woods today, lunch at Cardinia Park Hotel.

    • You’re right Andrew, he wasn’t my type though. I know a few people who have met online, I don’t have an issue with it other than all the bollocks you have to go through. I’m not very patient!

      The Cardi huh! Wow. What’s it like nowadays? I can’t imagine it would be the little old dingy pub it used to be, or it wouldn’t still be here.

  3. Why do men think a penis pic is going to have us panting and crawling over broken glass to see it in person? I’ve never seen one yet that engaged my attention to the extent I’d pass up pavlova for it.

  4. ah. I didn’t comment here because I was afraid of what I might say.
    experience has been had. oh the lies. 20 years ago of course.
    Now, for me, there is nobody on earth*, with whom a relationship would be worth the effort of depilation, and sharing the remote, foregoing the luxury of making a cup of tea at 3am without having to explain to another, or getting the cat’s dish off the table.

    * yes there are gorgeous men, but in close quarters they are not so gorgeous. the homewrecker who lured my gorgeous man away, did not know about the draggy side of him, and lasted 1 year to my 23.

    I do however, hope you meet an orphaned catloving aesthete with no hangups. I do. X X

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