lost & bewildered

I’ve disabled comments on this post, it’s more for me to get out what I’m feeling. Apologies.

I never thought you would actually do it, but it appears as if you have. You’ve left without saying goodbye. Part of me understands. Part of me would do the same thing. However the other part of me is completely heart broken by your actions, by your silence.

We talked about this recently, about how you’re the master of just leaving without a word. I asked you to never do it to me, saying that I couldn’t cope if you did. You assured me you’d never do that to me. Well, here’s me not coping.

You said you needed me to be strong, then you did the one thing to me that I told you I hate the most. The one thing that is guaranteed to make me lose my shit.

I get you were stressed more than you’ve ever been stressed, that what you are facing has been doing your head in for weeks. But I thought we were in this together.

I can’t even put into words the world of hurt I am experiencing. The feeling of betrayal. Did I do something to deserve this? I don’t think anyone could do anything that warrants this.

Right now, more than anything, I want to crawl into a big black hole and pretend the world doesn’t exist. I don’t deserve to be treated this way 😦

I’m strong, I’m resilient, I’ve been through so much crap in my lifetime. I will bounce back, in time. But for now I am suffering intensely. I wish you hadn’t done this to me.


~ by Fen on May 3, 2014.