Fifty Things You May or May Not Know About Me

Just because I can and because it’s been a while since I did the last one.

  1. I spend a lot of time in my own head, this is not necessarily a good thing. I am acutely self aware. I’m my own harshest critic.
  2. I’m a hopeless romantic at heart (don’t tell) and I often wish someone would turn up on my doorstep professing their love for me. It never happens.
  3. I need “Fen time”. If I don’t get this then I become neurotic
  4. I often wonder about the parallel worlds out there and how the other me’s are living.
  5. I had a liver tumour called Lester. He was as big as a large grapefruit. After he was removed via major surgery I was okay for a year then medical intervention stupidity saw me nearly die twice and have to have major surgery again. I spent close to 4 months in hospital and to this day I am not sure how I’m not a raving basket case after all that I had to endure.
  6. My Mother died when I was 27. I’m fairly sure parallel world Fen, who still has a mother, doesn’t live as much inside her head and is good at relationships.
  7. I am a fairly logical person, I will look at all points of view. Except when it comes to matters of my heart, then all logic and rationale go out the window. I make poor decisions and I let people hurt me.
  8. This may be because I don’t meet people I actually have chemistry with too often. I’m a little different, I’m not most people’s cup of tea. So when I find someone that I have that spark with I hold tight.
  9. I probably hold too tightly. I’m not good at relationships.
  10. I’m a control freak, this is another reason I’m not good at relationships.
  11. Two nights ago I got stoned with someone who I hold too tight. I saw some pictures of myself and for the first time ever I saw what other people see. It makes me cry that I can’t see myself in this light normally.
  12. I know I’m not ugly, but I never understand the attraction.
  13. My body was built for sex. I guess we all were, but the older I get the more attuned I am with what makes me tick. It’s powerful and can be overwhelming.
  14. I’m very easy going, it takes a lot to annoy me. But fuck with my sleep and I will set you on fire.
  15. When I’m emotionally fraught I can’t eat. I haven’t eaten for over 24 hours at this point.
  16. I want to run away and start a new life. But there’s too much here I would miss.
  17. Not to mention the cost of running away. I need a new job that pays more.
  18. I’m on a quest to find good cheese & onion chips in Australia. I found some in Germany, surely there’s good ones here
  19. I am driven by smell. When I choose creams or hair products the smell factor comes first.
  20. I’m a pretty good judge of character. Very good in fact.
  21. My intuition is usually spot on. I just choose to ignore it from time to time.
  22. Today I hate my freckles
  23. Today I hate myself. It will pass.
  24. There are people I wish I could talk to, that I wish I were friends with. But I’m too scared to reach out.
  25. People are intimidated by me and this hurts. I am a big softie and I do anything for those I care about.
  26. I know I give too much and I don’t look after myself enough.
  27. Without music I think I would die.
  28. I can be a drama queen.
  29. But I’m no princess, I’m not high maintenance at all.
  30. I’ve lost my gardening mojo.
  31. My car is called Idris because she is tardis blue and Idris is the doctors wife aka the soul of the tardis.
  32. The dealership where I purchased my car call her Idris too
  33. Mostly I think I’ll be alone forever and this hurts me more than anything in the world. I don’t think I deserve that.
  34. I never thought I would love my niece and nephew as much as I do. Now I can’t imagine my life without them.
  35. I can’t have kids. This doesn’t bother me, but I know I would have been an awesome Mum.
  36. I’ve applied to do my Masters this year but still haven’t found out if I’ve been accepted yet.
  37. I really do need to do a photography course so I can learn the technical side of it. I think this will make me a better photographer.
  38. My partner in crime is my ex who I’m now friends with. He’s thinking of coming back to live in Australia. I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but I miss him.
  39. I do think I’m an empath
  40. Sometimes I feel like there’s so much sadness in my life and I will explode.
  41. I’m not a negative person, I try to see the positives in everything.
  42. I’m bisexual, it’s not just a phase I’m going through, I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. My first crushes were on girls. Boys didn’t interest me one bit until my late teens. Given I don’t like labels I don’t really call myself anything.
  43. I’m a recluse a lot of the time, and then sometimes I can’t get enough of other people.
  44. I don’t like ignorant or rude people. I really really dislike fake & arrogant people.
  45. I once got chewing gum so stuck in my hair I had to cut it out, it was a big chunk of hair, but not as bad as when I was 3 and my neighbour cut a triangle out of my fringe!
  46. I have a strong personality, I’m honest, I’m blunt and I can be loud. Some people don’t like, or are intimidated me because of this, but those who love me do so because of who I am. I will never change myself for another person.
  47. I don’t drink alcohol at all. I used to get stoned a lot, now it’s once in a blue moon.
  48. I go through phases where I’m adverse to food. Nothing appeals to me. I basically just eat enough to keep functioning, nothing tastes any good. I hate these phases because I love food and eating.
  49. I was going to do 100 of these, but I’m not that committed.
  50. I never feel like I’m smart. Everyone else seems to know more than me. I used to love socialising, now I’m just quiet.

The self plug bit:

My photography website (patience required for loading, for some reason it’s being a snail)

My Flickr (without an account you won’t see most of my restricted work)

My Instagram


~ by Fen on January 11, 2015.

4 Responses to “Fifty Things You May or May Not Know About Me”

  1. you are soooooo fucking loved futuregirl. i wish I could send real hugs through space. heres to trying ((((hugs)))))))))

  2. I have a strong personality, I’m honest, I’m blunt and I can be loud. Some people don’t like, or are intimidated me because of this, but those who love me do so because of who I am. I will never change myself for another person.

    ^^ This. I love this. 🙂

    This is where I have been aiming for these past few years. I don’t think I am there yet, though.

    • It is difficult, people like for you to be the way they want you, I struggle a lot. But it is easier to live honestly and to your own standards and expectations. You just have to stand your ground a little.

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