Distracting myself

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favourite movie.

Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. I was confused and ecstatic and freaked out and loved it all at once.

2: Talk about your first kiss.

I don’t remember it! It may have been my neighbour! (not current hot neighbour, that was disappointing!)

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense feelings for.

This person grew on me. The first time around I wasn’t that enamoured. The second time around I was too scared to feel anything, but I couldn’t walk away. I didn’t want to admit that I even liked this person. How they made me feel. They’re from my tribe. My what if.

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

Not asking my Mum more about her life and my life when I was a child. There are so many things I wish I knew and now it’s too late to ask.

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

My 40th was good. I spent it with my family. I was dreading it for weeks, then a couple of days before I suddenly felt at peace with the whole thing. We spent a lovely night out at a restaurant. I don’t remember a lot of my birthdays. My 30th was a lot of fun, at least the photos look good!!

6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

The worst lead up, but the actual night was fun. I woke up on the day of my 21st with food poisoning. I was throwing up like crazy, I was so very very sick. I had to go and have an injection to stop the vomits.

Of course because my stomach was empty, the night was a hoot because I got drunk very quickly and ran amok.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

I worry that I’m a fraud and that I have no idea what I am doing.

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

I’m most proud of the work that I do. It gives me a lot of happiness to be able to help people, to see them grow, to watch them flourish.

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

My scars are my favourite things. Because I have huge stories that go with them. I went through hell to get them, so I’m proud of then. But they’re not little….

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10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

I’m not really a fighter. Growing up I had some pretty huge fights with my Mum, because we were very similar. We used to clash heads a lot. Once I moved out we were fine, just under the same roof was a bit too much.

11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

Ha ha ha ha, now that would be giving away all the secrets that hide in the compartments of my subconscious mind!

12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

I used to dream about Mum dying, a lot. I mean for years before she died.

13: Talk about the first time you had sex.

Gosh, I was just 17, or almost 17. It was really average. Really really average. I’m so glad it’s not average now!!

14: Talk about a vacation.

Every year we would go to Port Elliott in South Australia. I have so many amazing memories of that place. The wildness of the ocean, the cliffs and the rocks. The windswept shoreline. I really do want to go back some day and reconnect with it.

boomer

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

I’m content on and off. It’s an ever changing thing I guess. I was content when I lived in the UK. I felt like I belonged. I felt like I was more ‘me’ than I had been in a long long time.

16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

Gods Kitchen June 2001.

I have a stand out memory of John 00 Fleming dropping this track:

Dancing with my hands in the air, grinning like a lunatic and everyone going berserk. The sun was just coming up and the stadium was starting to light up. My friend was down from Sydney and the night was perfect. I’m getting teary just thinking about it.

Fen & Loz!

Oh wait! Also… NYE 2011… before I got super sick. My last hurrah in a way, I knew I was going to have surgery, just didn’t know I would almost not make it. The Trash Masque with Amanda Palmer & Neil Gaiman. Oh what a night that was. I’ll let the pics do the talking (and yes I was fat, my body was not working properly, as I was about to find out)

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17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

I’m friends with all the people I want to be friends with. If I’m not it’s because I haven’t met them yet!

18: Talk about something that happened in primary school.

I was short, really short. It was a good time for me. I was nerdy, I liked girls way before I knew boys existed. Science was my favourite class and we dissected things!!

19: Talk about something that happened in high school.

Our year was super bitchy. I didn’t feel that I fit in with many people. But I wasn’t unhappy. In year 9 I travelled overseas with my family for 2 months!

20: Talk about something that happened in uni.

I procrastinated wildly for the entire time and learned that I can fly by the seat of my pants very successfully.

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

I turned a guy down once who then made it his mission in life to cause as much trouble for me as he possibly could. He made complaints about me at work and I got in trouble for things I never even did or said. Thankfully someone else overheard him talking about it with someone and he was found out. It was such a confusing time for me.

22: Talk about your worst fear.

I fear losing people. It’s irrational and it freaks people out, but it’s there. It’s as a direct result of my Mum dying. I am a lot better than I used to be.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

Um, no idea. Obviously nothing that bad stands out for me for this one!

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

My Mum wrote me a letter before she died and I got if afterwards. I still have it, I cherish that letter and everything she wrote in it.

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

Not a best friend, but a friend nonetheless. We hung out a lot, she was going to get married. I went to every dress fitting, did everything with and for her. She asked me to plan the hens night and I told her (politely) it wasn’t my thing. I was out of her life faster than you can blink. Apparently that is unforgivable. Yup

26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

Feel awful. Cry. Wish my Mum was here to make me feel better.

27: Talk about your favourite part of someone else’s body.

Your hands, your fingers. Long and strong. I love it when you touch me with them, when you wind them through my hair or entwine your fingers in mine.

28: Talk about your fetishes.

I guess it’s no secret that I’m a kinky lass. I have quite a few fetishes. I’ll leave it at that I think 😉

29: Talk about what turns you on.

Intelligence, good conversation, laughter, chocolate. Certain smells, certain ways of being, certain sounds. Music, happiness. Having someone submit to me, trust me implicitly.

30: Talk about what turns you off.

Ignorance, a lack of empathy, dishonesty. Sniffing, goodness me, use a tissue. Dragging your feet – do you have lead weights in your shoes? Body odour of the unhygienic kind. I like a natural smell, but not when you smell like you haven’t washed in days and it assaults my senses.

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

I think it’s like nothing. You die and that’s it. You’re no longer aware.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

Where I grew up – Upper Beaconsfield. Idyllic, beautiful, interesting, bordering on perfect. You couldn’t ask for a better place for a child to grow up and learn about the world.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

I listen to music, I take photos, if I am really sad I sleep. I switch off from the world and pretend it doesn’t exist for a bit.

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

Having a guide wire threaded through just below my chest and into my liver, all without anaesthetic, because the medical team were a bunch of dicks. Or maybe the pancreatitis I endured for 3 days when I wished I was dead, when the morphine did nothing and I just cried and cried and cried.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

I wish I could stop being so lazy and become more motivated to exercise. I suck at that.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

Lindt chocolate with zesty lime. Oh yes it is so very good. I don’t feel guilty about much though, not pleasurable things, I refuse to feel guilt over something that gives me pleasure. I’m an Epicurean.

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

Have I ever been in love? What is love?

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

The whole album by The XX – Coexist reminds me of someone who I cared deeply for who was too broken for my world.

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

I wish I’d known how sick I was going to become and how much it would affect me. Not sure what I would have done about it.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

Everything ends. I used to be one of the most anxious people ever. I hid it very well. Anxiety used to consume my mind every waking hour of every single day. It never let up. I often despaired that I could not go through life like this. It was exhausting. But things changed and now I don’t often suffer from anxiety. Or if I do, I know how to counteract it. I’m living proof that you can change and you can over come anxiety.

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~ by Fen on June 21, 2015.

One Response to “Distracting myself”

  1. 6. Me too! But it was my 18th birthday and I had Gastro REALLY bad. Also had to get a doctor out to give me and injection, ‘cos I just couldn’t stop spewing and from the other end. Ugh.

    14. It’s just a bit special, hey. We often go to Goolwa, which is just up the road a bit. The South Coast is awesome. 🙂

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