Caution: rant ahead

So if you know me or if you read some of what I write here, you’d know my life hasn’t been awesome lately. Let’s face it, it’s been downright shitty and tough. I’m doing okay most days, but tonight I’m feeling gutted.

Let me explain.

With everything that’s happened, I’ve been feeling unsettled. I’ve been feeling more and more like I needed security in my life. I pay a big chunk of my pay into my rent each fortnight and I figured maybe if I purchased something, just something little, then I would feel more grounded.  I worked out that what I pay in things now I could afford to borrow something reasonable. The deposit would be the catch.

So tonight I met with the bank and yes, they basically told me that I’d need a ridiculous deposit, an amount I have no chance of saving myself due to what I pay out in rent. This they acknowledged. So really, I’m fucked. I am stuck paying stupid amounts of money on rent and feeling insecure. I just want to cry. I am crying.

I’m over everything right now. I lost my baby, I lost my lover and good friend, and now I feel like I am stuck with this shitty renting situation, unless I can “win tattslotto or something”. The bank guy actually said that.

I work in a job where I give my heart and soul every single day. It’s not a highly paid job, I will never have a high paying job, but I do my best for people who need it most.

Days like today I don’t know why I bother. Days like today everything just feels like it’s too hard.

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~ by Fen on October 29, 2015.

4 Responses to “Caution: rant ahead”

  1. I feel for you. We thought we could get off the renting round about too, but our credit union basically laughed in our face. Even though like you, we’re paying more for rent here than what the repayments on a house in the Mid North would be a month. They wanted us to come up with some miracle amount for a deposit.
    The Australian dream is dead, IMO.

  2. It really is crap for people trying to get into the property market, especially single people, especially women. In your field, there will always be work in the location you work, so have you considered living in one of the cheaper areas near there? Your own roof over your head is important and it may give you more options in the future.

  3. Sending good thoughts. xx

  4. I wish I could hug you right now….. xo

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