Breaking Point

They say everyone has their breaking point. Not sure who ‘they’ are, but I do agree.

Recently I hit mine.

As most of you would know, the last part of 2015 was difficult for me. But I was doing okay, still functioning and feeling well. I even purchased myself a shoebox to live in, which was a definite highlight.

However around Christmas I started to feel extremely tired and run down. Things that normally wouldn’t have bothered me started to get on my nerves. I found myself withdrawing from the world a little. 2016 arrived and with it a shit storm of things that weighed upon my mind. I had a couple of really difficult clients that just didn’t let up, and I felt that the environment at work wasn’t wonderful. Then one of my client visits included a surprise death whilst I was there. I knew at the time that I was at risk for vicarious trauma, but I honestly thought I would be okay. I am resilient after all, I have been through some awful times recently and I’ve bounced back well.

A few days ago, when I should have been packing and making plans I was instead crying and hiding in my bed. I couldn’t go to work and I didn’t want to deal with the outside world, or the packing I so desperately needed to do. I knew things had come undone in a big way.  I’ve had a lot of things going on (not just what happened at work) and I felt suddenly so overwhelmed I just couldn’t deal. I wasn’t eating and I didn’t want to do anything. I hadn’t felt this way since my Mum died. Even acknowledging that now makes me cry.

So I contacted my work and told them what was going on for me and that I couldn’t come to work. They have been really good. I am getting counselling from our EAP, hopefully this will help a little. I am resting and doing things that make me feel okay. I know if I don’t do this properly then I will damage myself long term. I need to give myself time and space for my mental health to improve. I need to get this house move out of the way and to feel settled again. I need to stop sabotaging my world.

I know things will improve, they always do.

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~ by Fen on February 3, 2016.

5 Responses to “Breaking Point”

  1. Time heals. Just depends on duration. Good to hear you are doing all the “right” things. And getting kitty therapy. Hopefully you’ll come out the other end sooner rather than later! x

  2. *hugs* – I will keep a good thought for you. 🙂

  3. Hang in there and know that tomorrow is another (new) day.

  4. Fen, strange little orange and green parrots called Jen Blogs asked to be a friend on Facebook, that’s me, Copperwitch. I don’t post or comment.

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