thanks & thinking & that!

Tomorrow I go in for what is hopefully my final surgery. It’s day surgery only, so no opening of the skins, just an ERCP down my throat.  I will be having my stent removed and then that’s it!  I am a little anxious about it, considering what happened last time, however I am keeping positive whilst being aware that I have no control over how my pancreas reacts!  I had an ultrasound last Friday and the (what do you call someone who operates an ultrasound machine) radiologist (?) said my liver was looking good.  My registrar rang and she said my bloods had come back and my liver enzymes were the best they’d been in ages and my infection levels were right down.  Woohoo.  Bring on that good health.

I’ve been having some back issues, nothing serious, just knots and annoyingness, nothing a good massage wouldn’t fix.  I’m leaving it til after my ERCP coz the way you lie when you have the procedure done would undo all the good work of a massage.  That and I don’t know any good massage peoples around here. I need a good, hard deep tissue massage. I wish my sister’s friend still did it, she was amazing.

Centrelink paid me a measly allowance yesterday, I guess it is better than nothing.  However don’t get sick folks, it’s not worth your while!  It means I can breathe easy again and stop worrying. I also had some amazingly generous friends and family who deposited money into my account. Honestly this generosity made me cry. Just when you think that the world is unfriendly and harsh, gestures like this are totally mind blowing.  So a BIG BIG BIG THANK YOU to those who sent me money, you know who you are, and I am forever in my debt and if you need any favours just ask.

**and now onto some random more personal rubbish that is in my brain, feel free to stop reading here**

I’ve been at home recovering for hmmm, how long now?  Actually it will be a month this Friday.  It’s only been the last little bit that I have begun to feel almost normal. My energy levels are returning and I’ve been going out and having a little social life. I went to the football on Saturday and sat in the wet and cold with my Dad (and saw my team embarrass themselves terribly!). Then Sunday I met up with an old family friend in Sassafras and had a late lunch with her.  It was brilliant to get out and about.

Anyway, all that time at home gives a gal a lot of thinking space.

I accidentally went off the pill weeks and weeks ago coz they won’t give it to you in hospital and my prescription had run out. I’m only on it because of my endometriosis and I hate it. It kills my libido. So guess what’s been woken up again?  Yep.  Now I haven’t had a period yet, so I’m not sure how bad it’s gonna be, but I’m loving having um, feelings again LOL. Only bad thing is that I ain’t getting any, so that is boring. And it has been so long I’m too freakin scared to put myself out there again. Online = no frigging way. Offline = who?  Last time I went off the pill was when I was at university, so 6 or so years ago (before my endo surgery) and I remember one day going to uni on the train and I was eyeing off every freaking person on that train. It gets out of control, especially when I ovulate. So for the time being and for as long as I can stand it, I’m going to stay pill free and see what happens.  So look out *shifty eyes*

I’ve also realised that I get lonely from time to time. I guess, stating the obvious, when I was in hospital it sucked not to have someone there for me.  In my last few days of admission I had a roomie who was a lesbian and her partner would come in and spend heaps of time with her. We all became quite chatty and bonded over our cats, but it highlighted to me what I was missing out on. But then again I’m so relationship retarded I’m not sure I could even do that again. Friends with benefits? LOL. I’m quite comfortable being single and enjoy my own company, but at times I do wish there was someone around.

I had a house inspection last week and that all went well, the agent was very pleased with how well I look after the place. They better not put the rent up however, especially given today’s interest rate drop and the fact that next door is now a construction zone with a new development going up.  Last week was horrid, earthworks happening, my little unit vibrating off its stumps. Gawd. Another good reason to be back at work so I don’t have to sit and listen to that rubbish.

The cats aren’t going to be happy when I go back to work, pretty sure they’re loving having me home all the time!

what better way to spend a wet, cold day!

Hopefully I will be back at said work next Tuesday, after the public holiday. I’m looking forward to going back,  starting to get cabin fever and it would be good to speak to adults instead of cats all day!  Hopefully I’ll be able to handle it, it’ll be good to see (most of) my clients again.

Oh and I just remembered, I heard a radio show on Wagyu beef last night and I am dying to try some. So when I’ve got some cashola I am so going to find somewhere that has wagyu beef on the menu.  I love a good cut of steak and apparently wagyu is outstanding.  I was salivating just listening to the show last night!!!

So that’s me for now. One big rambling Fen.

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~ by Fen on June 5, 2012.

9 Responses to “thanks & thinking & that!”

  1. Fen, I also have Endometriosis. What a bugger that is. I had a total hysterectomy one year after my last child was born (many many laser surgeries prior to that). Its been 10 yrs now. I’m having an ultrasound tomorrow to make sure its not anything else before they book me for surgery AGAIN to go back and perform more laser to remove more Endometrosis. It has grown back, without me even having a uterus. The pain is equal to labour. Sadly I’m only getting any kind of relief with large amounts iof long acting morphine, daily, and smaller amounts for break through pain.
    Having to go through what you have gone through and Endo is unbeleivable. You are one tough cookie. Do they have any idea if the two are related?

    Crystal

    • The specialists say not, however I have seen increasing anecdotal evidence of women with endo & FNH. So who knows, maybe one day they will come up with a link between the two. My endo specialist told me that endo will still remain even if you have a hysterectomy, coz it’s outside the uterus etc. Are you on the pill at all? That was the only relief I could get, I just skip my periods and of course I don’t ovulate.

  2. Good luck for tomorrow! Am positive that all things are starting to turn for you now. 🙂

    Glad you got SOMETHING from Centrelink..even if it was paltry. Wankas.

    Much love ‘n hugs!
    xox

  3. Fingers crossed this is the last and final and never, ever to be repeated admission.
    Yay on the libido, buttery fuck on no possibilities.

  4. There is wagu and Wagu. You get what you pay for usually. As for ‘I remember one day going to uni on the train and I was eyeing off every freaking person on that train’, welcome to men’s world.

    • Yeah I know, I’m interested in grade 9 or above, I realise it will cost a freakin fortune! But I NEED to try it!! Maybe I was turning into a man….

  5. Best of luck for tomorrow Fen AND for finding some way of releasing that libido in the near future!

    Love the photo of your cats (and I’m a dog person!)

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