New Zealand!

•February 17, 2015 • 1 Comment

I’m just back from 5 days in New Zealand. It’s the first time I’ve visited, unless you count 2 hours in the airport as a stop over. I wasn’t prepared for the breathtaking beauty of the countryside. It is absolutely gorgeous.

I went over to shoot a wedding, which was held on the Friday. The wedding was wonderful, very picturesque and full of love and happiness. It was a pleasure to photograph.

Here’s a sneak peak of some of the pics I took. I have a LOT to go through, which I’m doing slowly. Editing is my least favourite part of the process!!

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The house we stayed in, located in Raumati South, was marvellous, with a picturesque view. It came with a kitten, Pebbles, who of course decided I was her bestie for the time I was there #madcatlady



The view from the balcony, who wouldn’t want to wake up to this scenery every single morning??




I so need to go back to NZ to tour around the country. I would love to spend a few weeks exploring its beauty.


•February 7, 2015 • Leave a Comment
Remember when we first met?
At the train station.

You got into my car, all nerves and energy.

And we just drove and ended up at the beach.

It wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t a hot night.

It was windy.

Some couple gave us their parking ticket so we didn’t have to pay.Later you gave it to me to put in my purse, to remember the date we first met.

We sat on the edge of the water and talked.

And I wondered who the hell you were. All stories and warnings.

There was something about you though, I’m still unsure what it was.

The thing that is missing in the majority of the people on this planet.

You are amazing and I wish you could see that.

There is a genius that lurks beneath.

All that exterior.

You’re strong, you forget that.

Your soul is beautiful. Hidden away.

Even from yourself.

The day we sat on the pier and actually talked about living together

And I daren’t breathe in case it weren’t real

The breakfasts.

Walking the dog.

A micro second of happiness

I will treasure it.



What a week!

•February 7, 2015 • 2 Comments

My job has been draining the life blood out of me this week. I almost wept when someone told me it was a full moon, at least that explained why my clients were, well, difficult to say the least.

But Summer is back and I am happy with the warmth again. I was beginning to wonder if we’d ever get some decent weather or if we’d had our little burst of Summer and that was it.

I’ve spent today with a ridiculous headache, I even had a Nanna nap earlier to try to assist. It didn’t.

I’ve been slowly getting things together for my trip to New Zealand on Wednesday. Job one: find my passport. Successfully completed. Phew! I had to buy myself a spare SD card for my camera (I’m shooting a wedding) and I was quite shocked at the difference in prices. It pays to shop around. Some retailers were charging $20 more for the same product. I can’t see how they can even justify that.

I took my camera over to my sisters during the week to have a muck about with, taking pics of the kids. My niece will be 2 in a couple of weeks. Not sure how that has happened!!

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Apologies for the lack of words, I can barely string a sentence together at the moment.


•January 30, 2015 • 8 Comments

Last year I decided to have a crack at enrolling for a Masters of Social Work course at Deakin University. The course is an online course and over 2 years part time. I completed the necessary bits and pieces, then whilst I was in Europe I got an email asking me to complete a personal statement and send certified copies of my results from my underground Counselling degree.

I emailed them back, more than once, letting them know I was in Europe and that I would send the paperwork as soon as I got home to Australia. I did complete my personal statement late one night in Berlin. I hoped it read okay, as typing it out on a tablet was less than ideal.

Fast forward to a couple of days ago when I got an email confirming I was successful in obtaining a place in the course! I was ecstatic to read this, then immediately overwhelmed at the thought that I would be a student again!!

Today I’ve enrolled at Uni!! It still feels a little surreal, but I’m sure once the first lot of classes start it will sink in!

Meeting your heroes!

•January 24, 2015 • 4 Comments

Last night I attended Amanda Palmer’s book launch at the Thornbury Theatre. I purchased her book “The Art of Asking” when I was in Cambridge, and diligently carried it around with me on my trip. It was a great read, better than I had expected.  Of course I adore her music too, so going to the launch was something I had definitely wanted to do.

I met with some friends there and we stood in the audience as Amanda performed & read some extracts from her book. Her husband, Neil Gaiman, also got up and read some passages, then they sang a song together. Neil is one of my most favourite authors, so having them in the same room together was fan girl heaven!

Afterwards we hung out in the foyer and I was the tea fairy for The Bedroom Philosopher. I make a very good tea fairy apparently.

At some point I had to go to the little girls room. As I wandered over I heard a familiar voice – it was Neil! My mind immediately flew into a panic. Do I wee, do I go and say hello, oh no!!! Logic took over, go wee, you’ll wet yourself with excitement otherwise (I hope not though). So I did the fastest wee in the history of Fen wees and headed back out. Much to my delight, Neil was still there and he ever so kindly had a chat with me and we took a selfie! I may have gone squeaky and ridiculous, but at least I wasn’t grinning like a total lunatic in the photo.

We all then headed to the queue so that we could get Amanda to sign our books. It took a while but we made it eventually. As I handed her my book she spotted my pin up tattoo and gushed at how much she loved it. I showed her my lyrics tattoo (which are lyrics from her song Berlin) and she got excited and showed Neil and was rubbing my arms. I almost passed out from happiness. They weren’t doing photos but she said that she would be around at Neil’s show and she’d look out for me and we could have a photo together.

Needless to say I went home and fell asleep with a ridiculous grin on my face. They say meeting your heroes can be risky, but Amanda and Neil lived up to my expectations.


Question… input required

•January 19, 2015 • 1 Comment

This year is a big birthday for me. I really don’t want to celebrate it, I have lots of misgivings about turning this age. It’s my issue, I’ll get over it (or I’ll have a wee nervous break down).


My best friend (who is Chilean) asked me if I would like to go to South America in September this year. Of course I would. However my job pays terribly and I’m fairly sure I would not be able to save up enough money by then.

Do people think it’s a rubbish idea to maybe ask people for donations for my birthday towards a trip?

I hate asking people for money for anything. But I also don’t want a bunch of presents that I really don’t require, so is this a good alternative? And how would one go about this?

Help me please folks. Opinions/thoughts/ramblings in the comments.


Fifty Things You May or May Not Know About Me

•January 11, 2015 • 4 Comments

Just because I can and because it’s been a while since I did the last one.

  1. I spend a lot of time in my own head, this is not necessarily a good thing. I am acutely self aware. I’m my own harshest critic.
  2. I’m a hopeless romantic at heart (don’t tell) and I often wish someone would turn up on my doorstep professing their love for me. It never happens.
  3. I need “Fen time”. If I don’t get this then I become neurotic
  4. I often wonder about the parallel worlds out there and how the other me’s are living.
  5. I had a liver tumour called Lester. He was as big as a large grapefruit. After he was removed via major surgery I was okay for a year then medical intervention stupidity saw me nearly die twice and have to have major surgery again. I spent close to 4 months in hospital and to this day I am not sure how I’m not a raving basket case after all that I had to endure.
  6. My Mother died when I was 27. I’m fairly sure parallel world Fen, who still has a mother, doesn’t live as much inside her head and is good at relationships.
  7. I am a fairly logical person, I will look at all points of view. Except when it comes to matters of my heart, then all logic and rationale go out the window. I make poor decisions and I let people hurt me.
  8. This may be because I don’t meet people I actually have chemistry with too often. I’m a little different, I’m not most people’s cup of tea. So when I find someone that I have that spark with I hold tight.
  9. I probably hold too tightly. I’m not good at relationships.
  10. I’m a control freak, this is another reason I’m not good at relationships.
  11. Two nights ago I got stoned with someone who I hold too tight. I saw some pictures of myself and for the first time ever I saw what other people see. It makes me cry that I can’t see myself in this light normally.
  12. I know I’m not ugly, but I never understand the attraction.
  13. My body was built for sex. I guess we all were, but the older I get the more attuned I am with what makes me tick. It’s powerful and can be overwhelming.
  14. I’m very easy going, it takes a lot to annoy me. But fuck with my sleep and I will set you on fire.
  15. When I’m emotionally fraught I can’t eat. I haven’t eaten for over 24 hours at this point.
  16. I want to run away and start a new life. But there’s too much here I would miss.
  17. Not to mention the cost of running away. I need a new job that pays more.
  18. I’m on a quest to find good cheese & onion chips in Australia. I found some in Germany, surely there’s good ones here
  19. I am driven by smell. When I choose creams or hair products the smell factor comes first.
  20. I’m a pretty good judge of character. Very good in fact.
  21. My intuition is usually spot on. I just choose to ignore it from time to time.
  22. Today I hate my freckles
  23. Today I hate myself. It will pass.
  24. There are people I wish I could talk to, that I wish I were friends with. But I’m too scared to reach out.
  25. People are intimidated by me and this hurts. I am a big softie and I do anything for those I care about.
  26. I know I give too much and I don’t look after myself enough.
  27. Without music I think I would die.
  28. I can be a drama queen.
  29. But I’m no princess, I’m not high maintenance at all.
  30. I’ve lost my gardening mojo.
  31. My car is called Idris because she is tardis blue and Idris is the doctors wife aka the soul of the tardis.
  32. The dealership where I purchased my car call her Idris too
  33. Mostly I think I’ll be alone forever and this hurts me more than anything in the world. I don’t think I deserve that.
  34. I never thought I would love my niece and nephew as much as I do. Now I can’t imagine my life without them.
  35. I can’t have kids. This doesn’t bother me, but I know I would have been an awesome Mum.
  36. I’ve applied to do my Masters this year but still haven’t found out if I’ve been accepted yet.
  37. I really do need to do a photography course so I can learn the technical side of it. I think this will make me a better photographer.
  38. My partner in crime is my ex who I’m now friends with. He’s thinking of coming back to live in Australia. I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but I miss him.
  39. I do think I’m an empath
  40. Sometimes I feel like there’s so much sadness in my life and I will explode.
  41. I’m not a negative person, I try to see the positives in everything.
  42. I’m bisexual, it’s not just a phase I’m going through, I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. My first crushes were on girls. Boys didn’t interest me one bit until my late teens. Given I don’t like labels I don’t really call myself anything.
  43. I’m a recluse a lot of the time, and then sometimes I can’t get enough of other people.
  44. I don’t like ignorant or rude people. I really really dislike fake & arrogant people.
  45. I once got chewing gum so stuck in my hair I had to cut it out, it was a big chunk of hair, but not as bad as when I was 3 and my neighbour cut a triangle out of my fringe!
  46. I have a strong personality, I’m honest, I’m blunt and I can be loud. Some people don’t like, or are intimidated me because of this, but those who love me do so because of who I am. I will never change myself for another person.
  47. I don’t drink alcohol at all. I used to get stoned a lot, now it’s once in a blue moon.
  48. I go through phases where I’m adverse to food. Nothing appeals to me. I basically just eat enough to keep functioning, nothing tastes any good. I hate these phases because I love food and eating.
  49. I was going to do 100 of these, but I’m not that committed.
  50. I never feel like I’m smart. Everyone else seems to know more than me. I used to love socialising, now I’m just quiet.

The self plug bit:

My photography website (patience required for loading, for some reason it’s being a snail)

My Flickr (without an account you won’t see most of my restricted work)

My Instagram


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