Berlin Artparasites

•April 21, 2015 • Leave a Comment

berlin   I follow this page on the book of face, and most days it really gives me something to think about. It has art with it too, but i couldn’t fit that in the screen shot. They’re on instagram too. I like it, a lot.

Here’s another one from today:

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It’s a wrap

•April 20, 2015 • 8 Comments

I’ve just spent the last 2 hours searching for my spare pair of glasses. I’ve lost/misplaced my every day pair. I am hoping that when I threw my bag into the back of my work car this morning they fell out of my bag. Both them and the case are missing. So annoyed.  Even my spare pair, with the taped up arm are awol. Grrrr.

If I have lost my glasses, I’m going to have to sell stuff to fund new ones, my lenses are expensive :/

I had a super busy weekend. I caught up with a friend for brunch on Saturday, at another friends cafe. I’m fairly sure we could have talked all weekend, it was lovely. Then Saturday night my friends took me out to Lau’s Family Kitchen, which was superb. The food was divine, honestly, so amazingly good. It was my first time there, despite it being run by the family of a friend of mine. So I got to catch up with him for the first time in years too!

Afterwards we went into the city and saw Pablo Francisco’s show at the Comedy Festival. He was funny, but a lot of his jokes I found tedious. Stuff that people joked about in the 90’s but people have moved from now. His imitations were good and he is obviously talented, but I wasn’t comfortable with a lot of his jokes, they were racist, homophobic and offensive. Afterwards we walked in a downpour to Fed Square to see Nick Cody. I enjoyed him a lot more. I think we got home around 1am, well past my bed time!!

Sunday one of my best friends came over and we had a late lunch at Rickett’s Point, watching the weather change and blow madly through.

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it was pouring when I took this, I got very wet!

So wraps up my 40th birthday celebrations. I can’t be bothered dragging it out for weeks. I’m done!

I now need to focus my energy on organising my ideas and associated bits for my future endeavours, ie, new business. I’ve been talking to people about it and the reaction so far has been positive. I’m going to meet with friends who run their own businesses and do some mind melding. I woke up at 4am full of ideas and it spiralled out of control and I didn’t go back to sleep. Well done me. If I don’t find my freakin glasses though, nothing will get done! Even typing this is hurting the heck out of my eyes.

(I keep all my birthday cards… not sure why… I have loads of them!)

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Inspiration & another decade

•April 16, 2015 • 3 Comments

I met with my mentor tonight and we talked for two hours solid. He’s brilliant and I came away feeling so much more positive about the world. I have some amazing ideas now and the start of a plan in my head. A direction. Actually more than one direction. Choices. I need to sit down and start writing, planning, working out where this is going to go. Then meet with him again and merge minds. Oh this could be fantastic.

Yesterday I celebrated my 40th birthday. And I did celebrate. The day before I suddenly felt like it would all be okay. I’ve been battling with it for weeks now, amongst everything else. I drove home from work listening to one of my favourite albums, really really loudly, and felt a peace wash over me. Turning 40 wasn’t going to be as bad as I imagined. I need to use it as a positive catalyst, and after tonight I feel like this will happen.

I had a lovely dinner with my family & my extended family and ate wonderful food and felt the love from everyone in attendance. My weekend will be full of great company and awesome food and laughs, I am looking forward to it.

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It may be 15 years old, but this album is still superb <3

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kicking around ideas

•April 11, 2015 • 6 Comments

I’ve been working in the mental health sector for almost 4 years now. The last year has seen a lot of change brought about by both the state and federal governments.  None of it has been positive.

The time has come for me to work out where I am headed professionally. The sector is in upheaval and it’s going to take a long long time, if ever, to settle. I have ex colleagues who work across a broad range of services, and we all feel the same way.

My university degree is in counselling. I’d love to start up my own counselling business. The thing is, I have little to no idea how to go about starting my own business. At this stage I have ideas and that is it. My current mental health role sees me visiting clients in their homes or other public places. I think this would be a great idea for a counselling role as well. A friend of mine, who lives in Europe, sees a counsellor in cafes and bars, where ever it suits them. This way things are more relaxed and easier to deal with. Although obviously this is not always ideal.

I’ve been looking around to see what else is out there, it seems there’s not much in the way of outreach counselling services. I also have a spare room here, that I could quite easily turn into some sort of therapeutic space if need be. In the UK a lot of counsellors have this approach. I used to have to see a guy for supervision (when I was studying in the UK) and I’d turn up at his place and sit in his front room, whilst I could hear his wife bustling about in the rear of the flat, cooking and cleaning. It worked well, until he fell down his stairs and broke his leg and couldn’t see me anymore!

It’s a daunting thought, giving up full time work and focusing on your own business. How do you ensure you get enough clients to keep paying the bills? I have no doubt I could put in the leg work, it’s just taking that risk… I don’t know, maybe I am too naive…

All I know is things are going to have to change soon, because I’m deeply unhappy in the industry I am in. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate the work I do with my clients, I still love what I get to do with them. It’s the rest of it, the admin and the justification of each breath you take that brings me to tears.

I’m catching up with my psychology mentor at the pub next week, I’m going to pick his brain and see what gems I can unearth. I need to do this, for my own sanity as much as anything.

I think the hardest thing will be coming up with a business name! Aargh.

•April 5, 2015 • Comments Off on

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I’m losing my best friend
I can’t believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you’re letting go
And if it’s real
Well I don’t want to know

Don’t speak
I know just what you’re saying
So please stop explaining
Don’t tell me cause it hurts
Don’t speak
I know what you’re thinking
I don’t need your reasons
Don’t tell me cause it hurts

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don’t speak
I know just what you’re saying
So please stop explaining
Don’t tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don’t speak
I know what you’re thinking
I don’t need your reasons
Don’t tell me cause it hurts

It’s all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are…
You and me I can see us dying…are we?

Don’t speak
I know just what you’re saying
So please stop explaining
Don’t tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don’t speak
I know what you’re thinking
I don’t need your reasons
Don’t tell me cause it hurts
Don’t tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you’re saying
So please stop explaining

Don’t speak,
don’t speak,
don’t speak,
oh I know what you’re thinking
And I don’t need your reasons
I know you’re good,
I know you’re good,
I know you’re real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don’t, Don’t, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin’
Hush, hush darlin’ Hush, hush
don’t tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin’ Hush, hush darlin’
Hush, hush don’t tell me tell me cause it hurts

Anniversaires

•March 22, 2015 • 8 Comments

Thirteen years.

It’s a long time, in my mind. I think of all the things I’ve done in thirteen years. Run it all through my head.

There are things I have not done too. I have not dealt with losing you.

In a week it will be your birthday. You would have been 67 this year. I try to imagine what you would be like. Much the same, I think. Just greyer. Still my Mum.

Now, more than ever, I wish you were here. I feel a gaping chasm in my soul. I wish you were here with your warm embrace and your way of always getting it right.

The way only a Mother can.

I feel so very lost and burnt out with my life. I don’t quite know how to change this. I’m paralysed by fear and confusion.

I just want it to all go away. I can’t deal with any of it. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want advice.

I just want you. My Mum.

Our relationship wasn’t always easy, we fought, we were very similar you and I. But we worked well together. I was always happy and comfortable around you. We talked every day and did so much together. I never imagined you not being here for me. In my future I saw you with grandchildren and surrounded by your arts and crafts.

I look into the eyes of my niece and nephew and my own eyes well up. You would have loved these two munchkins and they you. I know you would have been a hands on grandparent, full of love and insight.

I never thought I would get over your death. I suppose I never have. I’ve learned to live with the hurt and the sorrow. I rarely talk about it now, people don’t understand. I don’t understand. It’s easier just to push on.

But right now, with your birthday looming and my life falling apart, I don’t think I can cope. I need your knowledge and your love. I need you. My Mum.

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Night shooting

•March 22, 2015 • 3 Comments

It’s been a very long time since I last did a walk about night shoot. Thankfully my friends have been nagging me, so I finally got around to it last night.  It was quite the late night in the end and we didn’t get to that many places. We’ll have to go out again and do some more, I enjoyed myself a lot.

 

 
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